Online Dating Advice

Free Online Dating Advice for Men & Women

This is my attempt to write a guide to online dating that will apply to both men and to women. I offer this free online dating advice to anyone who's willing to read it. The article consists of 20 Internet dating tips:

If you want to date online, learn how to write intelligently.
Know what your goals are.
Successful online daters focus on personality and chit-chat.
Be realistic.
Be willing to be unusual.
Don't date people you're not attracted to.
Stay anonymous for a while.
If you make an in-person date, show up on time.
Interesting people are interested in interesting things.
Avoid swearing.
Humility works well online.
Don't talk about your exes.
Decide how you want to handle your religious convictions well in advance.
Don't discuss money.
Keep your initial written contact short and sweet.
Have a sixty day probationary period.
If you're a man, pay attention to your shoes, because she will.
The second date is more important than the first date.
Hygiene becomes really important when it's time for the kiss.
Don't use a fake photo.

If you want to date online, learn how to write intelligently. You don't have to be Shakespeare or Hemingway, but you do want to make a good first impression. Writing in netspeak, using lots of abbreviations, and misspelling words are all turnoffs when you're looking for a date online. The basic rules of grammar, punctuation, and spelling aren't hard to learn, and you'll benefit from figuring them out in the business world as well as in the online dating world.

Know what your goals are. If you're looking for a husband or wife, then that's great. But if you're not sure what you want, you could be headed for trouble. Spend some time reflecting on what your eventual goals for your online dating experience are. You don't necessarily have to share them online, but YOU should know what they are. Don't share your dating goals in detail until you're ready to.

Successful online daters focus on personality and chit-chat. Bringing up looks, complimenting her physically, trying to make the conversation subtly or overtly sexual are all classic online dating mistakes. Stick with talking about what you're interested in, what she's interested in, and what you're both interested in. You can compliment his or her looks when you have a first in-person date.

Be realistic. This doesn't mean you have to lower your standards, but if your goal is to find a physically fit man who takes care of himself, you should be realistic and realize that you're going to be disappointed if you're 400 pounds. You should also be realistic about what you can expect from the online dating experience. Dating means meeting new people and getting to know them. If you expect to meet the love of your life in your first online dating encounter, then you're guaranteed to be disappointed.

Be willing to be unusual. People like to get to know interesting people, so be willing to share how you're unusual. Do you juggle? Bring it up, and don't worry about whether or not he thinks that's a weird hobby. Do you play the ukulele? Mention it to her. She's more likely to be curious than judgmental.

Don't date people you're not attracted to. This seems like it would go without saying, but people do it all the time. The reasons vary. Some people date people they're not attracted to because they have low self-esteem. Others don't want to judge someone on their looks, and they'd feel guilty for being superficial. But dating someone you're not attracted to guarantees a disappointing future, so don't do it.

Stay anonymous for a while. A common mistake is to try to go outside the online dating site as soon as possible by sharing email addresses, instant messenger addresses, or phone numbers too early. Take your time and let the other person get comfortable with you before you move to other forms of communication. There's no rush. Enjoy the process.

If and when you make an in-person date, show up on time. Being late for a date is disrespectful to the person you're meeting, and that's no way to start a relationship, ever.

Interesting people are interested in interesting things. Discuss your hobbies. Discuss his hobbies. Keep your initial conversations light and avoid getting into heavy stuff like religion or politics. Don't discuss sex too early. If you want the person on the other end to be interested, then you need to have interests. If you don't have any hobbies or interests, then it's time to get some.

Avoid swearing. Cursing in your conversations online just demonstrates a lack of imagination and a lack of class.

Humility works well online. Men are told over and over again that they need to be confident if they want to attract women. But when you're dealing with a woman you've never met except on the Internet, it's okay to be modest. When you meet in person, you can turn the confidence dial up a little bit, but arrogance is never attractive in any kind of dating relationship, online or in person.

Don't talk about your exes. Maybe after you've been married for a few years, you might share some information about your exes. But at any point in a new relationship, discussing exes is a recipe for resentment. If you talk bad about your ex, then you'll look petty. If you talk good about your ex, then you'll look like you're still in love with them. So just avoid both mistakes by not bringing up your exes.

Decide how you want to handle your religious convictions well in advance. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't interested in dating very religious people. If you're devout, then this could be disappointing, and you might be well-served by going to one of the dating sites that focuses on single Christians. If religion isn't important to you, then just don't discuss it with your new online date.

Don't discuss money. This is something you can and should discuss much, MUCH later in your relationship. Discussing money is crass when you discuss it with someone you barely know.

Keep your initial written contact short and sweet. Like it or not, online dating is a numbers game. If all of your initial contacts are 400+ words, then you're not going to be able to meet enough people. 20 words is plenty for an initial contact. You can meet far more people that way too. And response rates go down as word count in the initial contact email go up.

Have a sixty day probationary period. During the first two months of a relationship, you're still figuring out whether or not the person you're dating is for you or not. Don't make the all-too-common mistake of falling in love with someone before you've gotten to know them. If the person you're dating is already married, or has a temper problem, or is dishonest, then you'll usually figure that out within the first 60 days.

If you're a man, pay attention to your shoes, because she will. Like it or not, women judge men, at least partly, by their shoes. Your best bet? Go buy some shoes with a friend of yours who's a woman, and get her advice on whether or not a certain pair of shoes is appropriate. Then keep your shoes clean and polished. Save your old dirty sneakers for when you're hanging out with the guys.

The second date is more important than the first date. It's still too early for sex, and it's still too early for dinner at your place. And if you're going to screw things up, then your second date is when you're likely to do so. Go on some kind of date where you can talk and continue to get to know each other.

Hygiene becomes really important when it's time to kiss. Bad breath will kill a new relationship fast, and she shouldn't have to be the one to tell you anyway. Brush, floss, carry breath mints. It's worth the effort.

Don't use a fake photo. Why would you waste your time and someone else's time by lying about who you are and what you look like? Fake photos are just lame. And don't think for a minute that you're going to overcome someone's disgust at your lack of integrity with your winning personality. You won't.